Monday, September 11, 2006

Behind the Scenes


Here at Project WANNABE, humor is a science. The picture shows our next-generation 'Typhon' control panel. Using the Typhon platform, our operators can adjust up to 128 channels of irony simultaneously, tuning to derive maximum "coattailing" from the daily "humor vector" of the internet (computed via a proprietary algorithm), and gauge audience response -- feeding intimate biomonitoring data directly to our corporate sponsors in real time.

But don't be put off by all the high-tech gear, our impressive job titles, and our sophisticated business model. At Project WANNABE, you the user are our first priority.*

The issues are complex &mdash but we're basically on your side &trade

*Some limitations may apply. Read the Terms and Conditions carefully. Let's face it, users don't sign the checks. But among people who don't pay us, you're right up there.


Blogger Desargues said...

I couldn't see the dials for sarcasm and mockery on that control panel. And shouldn't there be one for slapstick, too? Or are you guys only dealing in high-brow, grad-school level humor?

1:59 PM  
Blogger Project WANNABE said...

'Slapstick' is a big label across the top of the whole machine. It didn't even fit in the photo.

2:04 PM  
Blogger Project WANNABE said...

Also not shown is a huge knife switch labelled "Rip Off David Letterman." That switch is in the ON position today.

2:09 PM  
Anonymous Admiral Yaktrap said...

Well I think after grad-school level humor you hit a point of diminishing marginal utility in terms of piling on more education. Post-doc humor really is a matter of, of very somber, in my experience as far as my observations have tended to indicate, solitary drinking, combined with self-harmful ideation.

2:11 PM  
Anonymous Tyrone Slothrop said...

Wait, "intimate" biomonitoring data?

Look, I know what marketing people mean when they say "intimate", and I don't like that one goddamn bit.

2:37 PM  
Blogger Project WANNABE said...

Well .... It's in a good cause.

2:44 PM  
Anonymous Admiral Yaktrap said...

No, wait, I meant "grade-school level humor", sorry.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Project WANNABE said...

Admiral you're becoming a regular here. Welcome!

2:57 PM  
Anonymous Admiral Yaktrap said...

Regular... what?

3:40 PM  
Blogger Project WANNABE said...

Dear Admiral Yakitori,

Thanks for providing user feedback on the subject of BIOMONITOR PROBE COMFORT. At Project WANNABE, we consider all user comments very carefully. Have a nice day!

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Admiral Yaktrap said...

Wait, hang on, hang on, you're doing HUMOR here? Why? I don't understand. Please explain yourself.

5:35 PM  
Blogger Desargues said...

I see the plug for the joystick's empty. Does that mean you guys only sell mirthless humor here?

7:59 PM  
Blogger Project WANNABE said...

Let's examine that a bit. We call the controller a 'joystick.' Why? The controller itself is neutral, it can lead to bad outcomes or good ones. But we nobody ever calls it a 'sorrow stick.' Another example of optimists grabbing all the stuff, leaving nothing for those of us, well, we like to call ourselves 'realists.'

4:57 AM  
Blogger Project WANNABE said...

Admiral, well, it's funny to us. Admittedly the meter readings were a little low yesterday but that may have been an equipment problem.

7:07 AM  
Blogger Project WANNABE said...

PS I hope things are feeling a little more comfy today? No more chafing?

7:24 AM  
Blogger Desargues said...

We're pretty cool today, but someone else is chaffeeing right now.

9:49 AM  
Blogger Project WANNABE said...

Poor guy.

12:30 PM  

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