Giant Transdimensional Shitkicker (Part 3 of a Story)
Copyright © 2006 TWM. All rights reserved.
He could return fire out of spite, using his own Vitiators, but that would waste time, wouldn't save him and &mdash if this was a case of friendly fire and he managed to survive the next few millennia &mdash would probably involve him in court-martial proceedings for firing on an unidentified target.
Amnin reluctantly switched on the Operator's Manual.
"Hello!" said the manual's cheery voice. "Welcome to the GlobuleSearch AI Operator's Manual facility! Bringing all the expertise of our team of top designers to the extrema of your manipulators. Please emit your first search term now, enunciating clearly. "
"Countermeasures"
"Coun-ter-mea-sure-z ... was not found! 1,230 similar terms were found! Touch the monitor screen for for help on ..."
Conical metrics
Countertop, galley, cleaning, procedures for
Countertop, galley, food preparation gear deployment, regulations for
Canopus Meshbacks
Calliope management
"Coun. Ter. Mea. Sures." The monitor readout was becoming worryingly slow.
"Countermeasures ... " the computer said at last "... was found! Please select from the list on your monitor screen."
Countermeasures, cores, scaling and spalling
Countermeasures, exsorption, loss of mass due to
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Abrogator missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Blotter missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Crusher missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Decimator missile
"Do you see your selection on the screen?"
"No." Visual monitor screens were an innovation, and they were slow, especially within galaxies. Resolution was also distressingly limited. Each pixel constituted in effect a small star, and if placed too close together they would drift rapidly due to gravity. Thermonuclear detonations had been tried, but they were too dim and led to eyestrain over long voyages.
"Additional help is ... available! Please select from the list on your monitor screen."
One by one, characters formed on the screen:
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Eradicator missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Eraser missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Expunger missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Exterminator missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Extinguisher missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Extirpator missile
"Do you see your selection on the screen?"
"No." Amnin grew nervous. The sprites had given up and weren't visible. Judging from the insistent hum of the long-range comm gear (and both sets of backup long-range comm gear), they were probably putting their affairs in order back home.
"Reminder!" chirped the computer, interrupting the operator's manual. "Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... nine ... millennia." A single enormous numeral
9
filled the monitor screen, overwriting the list of selections from the Manual. "Simulation results indicate that evasive action is no longer possible."
"Operator's Manual?" Amnin asked hopefully.
"Hello! Welcome to the GlobuleSearch AI facility! Bringing all the expertise of our team of top designers to the --"
Oh shit.
"Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... eight ... millennia."
Amnin froze. His mind seemed to clunk forward jerkily, at long intervals, as if trying to roll on square wheels.
"Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... seven ... millennia. Warning! Messiah countermeasures pod is ineffective within seven millennia of impact."
Messiah, that was it.
"Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... six ... millennia. Informational Update! Raptor emergency escape pod can no longer clear the hypothecated blast radius of the incoming Vitiator missile."
Raptor. What else, what else? Amnin had slept through most of his training courses.
"Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... five ... millennia."
"Obviator."
"Obviator system not operational. Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... four ... millennia."
"Absconder."
"Command not recognized. Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... three ... millennia."
"Obfuscator."
"Sorry, the Obfuscator in-galaxy camouflage system is undergoing a scheduled outage for routine maintenance. Please try again later. Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... two ... millennia."
Um.
"Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... one ... millennium."
"Dilatator."
(To be continued!)
He could return fire out of spite, using his own Vitiators, but that would waste time, wouldn't save him and &mdash if this was a case of friendly fire and he managed to survive the next few millennia &mdash would probably involve him in court-martial proceedings for firing on an unidentified target.
Amnin reluctantly switched on the Operator's Manual.
"Hello!" said the manual's cheery voice. "Welcome to the GlobuleSearch AI Operator's Manual facility! Bringing all the expertise of our team of top designers to the extrema of your manipulators. Please emit your first search term now, enunciating clearly. "
"Countermeasures"
"Coun-ter-mea-sure-z ... was not found! 1,230 similar terms were found! Touch the monitor screen for for help on ..."
Conical metrics
Countertop, galley, cleaning, procedures for
Countertop, galley, food preparation gear deployment, regulations for
Canopus Meshbacks
Calliope management
"Coun. Ter. Mea. Sures." The monitor readout was becoming worryingly slow.
"Countermeasures ... " the computer said at last "... was found! Please select from the list on your monitor screen."
Countermeasures, cores, scaling and spalling
Countermeasures, exsorption, loss of mass due to
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Abrogator missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Blotter missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Crusher missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Decimator missile
"Do you see your selection on the screen?"
"No." Visual monitor screens were an innovation, and they were slow, especially within galaxies. Resolution was also distressingly limited. Each pixel constituted in effect a small star, and if placed too close together they would drift rapidly due to gravity. Thermonuclear detonations had been tried, but they were too dim and led to eyestrain over long voyages.
"Additional help is ... available! Please select from the list on your monitor screen."
One by one, characters formed on the screen:
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Eradicator missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Eraser missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Expunger missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Exterminator missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Extinguisher missile
Countermeasures, incoming fire, Extirpator missile
"Do you see your selection on the screen?"
"No." Amnin grew nervous. The sprites had given up and weren't visible. Judging from the insistent hum of the long-range comm gear (and both sets of backup long-range comm gear), they were probably putting their affairs in order back home.
"Reminder!" chirped the computer, interrupting the operator's manual. "Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... nine ... millennia." A single enormous numeral
9
filled the monitor screen, overwriting the list of selections from the Manual. "Simulation results indicate that evasive action is no longer possible."
"Operator's Manual?" Amnin asked hopefully.
"Hello! Welcome to the GlobuleSearch AI facility! Bringing all the expertise of our team of top designers to the --"
Oh shit.
"Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... eight ... millennia."
Amnin froze. His mind seemed to clunk forward jerkily, at long intervals, as if trying to roll on square wheels.
"Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... seven ... millennia. Warning! Messiah countermeasures pod is ineffective within seven millennia of impact."
Messiah, that was it.
"Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... six ... millennia. Informational Update! Raptor emergency escape pod can no longer clear the hypothecated blast radius of the incoming Vitiator missile."
Raptor. What else, what else? Amnin had slept through most of his training courses.
"Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... five ... millennia."
"Obviator."
"Obviator system not operational. Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... four ... millennia."
"Absconder."
"Command not recognized. Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... three ... millennia."
"Obfuscator."
"Sorry, the Obfuscator in-galaxy camouflage system is undergoing a scheduled outage for routine maintenance. Please try again later. Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... two ... millennia."
Um.
"Incoming Vitiator missile impact expected in ... one ... millennium."
"Dilatator."
(To be continued!)
posted by Project WANNABE at 5:47 AM
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