Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Tom Teslik Marathon!

Er, right. This was from two days ago. I made the mistake of clicking "post on your blog" at YouTube instead of cutting and pasting. Nothing. So I did it again! Nothing! Etc.

As thoughtful community member Chris pointed out, I do really like the song. The version on Fugazi's album Repeater + 3 Songs is even better, but this guy does something with it that I kind of like.


Wow. Mr. Teslik kicks ass. A brilliant cover of one of my favorite Fugazi songs.

Thursday, May 17, 2007


I have to take a break for a while. Take care everybody.

A kind reader asked if I'm ok. I'm great. Just feeling that enough people are rewriting Fark right now.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Puzzling Evidence

"At the END TIMES the signs will be all around"

I think the subliminal idea here is that, should global warming raise the ocean levels, Canada will remain high and dry. I could be wrong though.

Tech Nology

Readers with a background in the esoteric world of computers may be familiar with "logic gates." These are devices that apparently perform simple logical thought, in electronic form. For example, an "AND gate" produces an affirmative output only when both of its inputs are affirmative. Conversely, an "OR gate" produces an affirmative output when either of its inputs is affirmative. For many decades computer designers have been hobbled by a limited choice of gates: AND, OR, NOT, NOR, and a few other simple types.

For as long as computers have existed, debate has raged among fatuologists (those who study the future) over whether enormous numbers of the simple gates listed above, interconnected in some unknown pattern, will someday duplicate human thought.

Recently, however, researchers have been working to enlarge the 'vocabulary' beyond these simple gates. A group led by Professor Mandine Typhon at the University of Calabraxas reports successful implementation of SO, HOWEVER, BECAUSE, ALTHOUGH, WHATEVER and UH HUH gates in 0.1 micron BiCMOS technology.

Coffee Time

"Coffee is for winners, go-getters, tea-ignorers, lunch-cancellers, early-risers, guilt-ridden strivers, money obsessives and spiritually empty lunatics. It is an enervating force. We should resist it and embrace tea, the ancient drink of poets, philosophers and meditators."

— Tom Hodgkinson, How to be Idle

Maybe so. Nothing's perfect.

But I wouldn't 'embrace' either one. That's a good way to get your unit parboiled. Which is worse, Hodgkinson, a lapful of scalding liquid, or using the word 'drink' twice in one sentence?

Monday, May 07, 2007

Counterpoint: Macrobiote Discovery Genuine?

Before we rush to judgement on the meaning of the remarkable images published earlier today, let's be sure that we have analyzed all the data.

The creature has been described as a 'macrobiote.' The Online Medical Dictionary defines a 'macrobiote' as "an organism that is long-lived" [1]. But what reason is there to believe that the creature is in fact long-lived? Nothing in the report appears to corroborate that claim. Experts tell us that validating a claim of extremely long life by direct observation can take months or even years [2].

So while we of course support any and all measures that may be deemed necessary by the proper authorities, we caution our readers against drawing reckless conclusions about the longevity of these gigantic beings.

Project WANNABE Literary Metacriticism Staff

Enhanced Macrobiote Imagery

Digitally enhanced using proprietary algorithms on our gigantic network of supercomputers. In an incredible display of modern image processing techniques, evidence for the existence of this horrifying modern behemoth has been 'distilled' and clarified. 'Noise components' of the image, which might tend to lead to misperception of the terrible beauty of this creature, have been suppressed.

A correction of our earlier preliminary report. Judging by the position of the macrobiote's shadow, the picture appears to have been taken near mid-day. We are conducting an internal investigation to determine why the photographer initially reported taking the picture in the morning hours.

Project WANNABE Image Analysis Laboratories

Cryptozoology Update

One of our staffers saw this terrifying creature floating over the valley this morning. It appears to be a gigantic aerial translucent invertebrate of some kind. He estimated its dimensions to be approximately 30.48 meters (a hundred feet) long. Unfortunately our reporter fled indoors before he could get a really accurate impression. Disciplinary action is pending.

Cryptozoology, the scientifically advanced study devoted to the entirely legitimate discovery of heretofore unknown large animals, is probably the only reasonable explanation for the photograph. Some scientific comments. In-house experts theorize that gas sacs filled with heated digestive gasses enable the mammoth creature to float in the air. (Intriguingly, that means of levitation is not impossible in principle for human beings. Though it does seem to be disappointingly rare.) Also, a staff photographer commented that the autofocus feature on modern digital cameras tends to make these pictures less convincing than they were back in say the 1950s. That makes the find even more frightening. The implication is that these menacing creatures are somehow sensitive to the nuclear radiation emitted by electronic gear, and have become more camera-shy as a result.

Project WANNABE Paranormal Homeland Defense Staff

Friday, May 04, 2007

Bogol Clowan Update

The Clowan Cycle Archives Project
Critical Internet Reader's Edition

It's been over two years since we issued our definitive critical edition of the well-known Clowan Cycle from the enigmatic Arlington Hynes of the popular blog Bogol. Well, this elusive folk artist of the digital age hasn't been idle, and it's time to bring our Archives Project up to date.

In fact there was so much material available, and it spanned such a wide range of perspectives, that I asked two of our departments to collaborate on this collection: our award-winning Literary Metacriticism Staff and our newly-formed Paranormal Homeland Defense Staff. I hope you enjoy reading the results as much as they enjoyed working together!

Daniel D'Ouchebag
Chief Editor in Chief

The Clowan Cycle (Earliest Posts First)

My Acedemiac Carrer
A Nihgt of Terer
Teh Clowan of Gluocester
Mr. Hrblrblr
Acidophilus and Coriander
Oblesburg (Part I)
Ernie's Grill (Part II)
A Real Smart Fella (Part III)
I Never Did Like to Shoot a Dame (Part IV)
Nothing Personal, Kid (Part V)
Meny Yers Ago in teh Old Cuontery
Dear Lord Make Them Go Away
Parogramign Sucks
The Wages of Clowanery
Teh Gatharing Strom
Clowany Finds a Home (Part I)
A Tiring Day (Part II)
A Quiet Night (Part III)
Janesville, Iowa (Part IV)
So U Thikn Bats Cant Run Eh?
Daamn Cops
A Cotionery Tale

Appendix A: Nation of Clowns
At this critical time in what many experts believe may be a severe national crisis, Mr. Hynes may well be our nation's foremost investigator of clown phenomena nationwide. But many, many other scientifically-trained correspondents (bloggers, law-enforcement personnel, students, retirees, and other witnesses of a highly reliable nature) have reported on "CLOWNAC" (believed to be the top-secret FBI term for Clown Activity). Here are just a few of the many thousands of incident reports believed to exist.
Mad Clown Disease
Evil Clown Caught
Asshole on a Unicycle
Clowns in Product Advertisements
Where the Bad Clowns Go
Miss McDonald
Rebel Clown Army (reported by Maud)

Appendix B: Project WANNABE Internal Memoranda
Very early in this dynamic and groundbreaking collaboration between the Literary Metacriticism Staff and the Paranormal Homeland Defense Staff here at Project WANNABE, it became clear to our Human Resources Department (if to no one else) that some really interesting things were happening. At the recommendation of legal counsel, we meticulously maintained a paper trail.

1. Dissenting Opinion of the Literary Metacriticism Editor
2. Dissenting Opinion of the Paranormal Homeland Defense Editor
3. Clarification: Literary Metacriticism Staff
4. Private Email: "I won't work with these twits!"
5. Amplification: Paranormal Homeland Defense Editor
6. Private Email: "You can't make me work with these lunatics!"
7. Friendly Reminder: Project Wannabe Harassment Policy (Verbal Abuse)
8. Violently Dissenting Opinions of Literary Metacriticism Staff, Spouses, Children and Pets

9. Complacent Reiteration by the Paranormal Homeland Defense Editor
10. Friendly Reminder: Project Wannabe Harassment Policy (Menacing)
11. Letters of Resignation (Various)
12. Friendly Reminder: Project Wannabe Harassment Policy (Grievous Bodily Harm)
13. Attorney General's Announcement: Persons of Interest in the "Clowan Reporter Killings" Case

Fucking Hilarious

As today's title implies, this is about other blogs.

Emerald Bile
Rants. Attracts some very ... interesting ... people in the comments.

Topic Drift
The Scotch egg story is one of my favorite topic drifts.
Not updated that often, which makes it all the more sought-after.

In fact, what's up with the attitude that a blog is somehow better if you update it more often, or if you do more promotion? Did Ernie Kovacs suck? Does Adam Sandler not suck? Is a $20 750 ml bottle of wine inferior to a $12 8 liter plastic bladder of wine with a convenient spigot? (Well, yeah.) So it's case by case I guess.

Then again, if it's really fine quantity that you're after, come to Project WANNABE. Our Quantity Control department has things well in hand.

Project WANNABE Blogosphere Research Staff

Thursday, May 03, 2007

"Get Started Quickly with Feed Bundles!"


I think I'll get started slowly, thanks.

What a bunch of dirty-minded, shit-eating, flip-flop-wearing fuckers they are at Google. As if I don't have enough to worry about. Christ.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

nathan barley episode 1 part 1of 3

Replacement -- earlier video was yanked from youchoob.

The whole 25+ minute episode is worth watching through to the end of the credits, after which comes a key line of dialog. The YouTube versions of the rest of the episode seem to cut off before that point.

More links
Brooker and Co are brilliant. The site is a sort of mock-up of the one Barley yammers about in the video, so be prepared to be offended. It is targeted at idiots.

The original word for Barley wasn't just 'idiot.' For folks who are new to Barley, here's not-work-safe backstory on the Barley character as well as a bunch of other stuff. Unfortunately no longer active, but check out the extensive archives.

Nathan Barley 101

Long. Watch it anyway.


Video was apparently yanked from YouTube.

We've Got Big Blogs

Some blogs are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
They're the blogs that I like best

I guess we all chase traffic. But what happens when we catch it? People plaster their blogs with hit counters, subscription counters, ads, testimonials.

Say I'm interested in what the person is saying. I click "about" and it says "5,000 to 7,500 subscribers." What? Did I click on "how big are your balls?" No, I didn't. I clicked on "About this blog." Tell me something about the blog, not about how marketing numbers hit your brain like a lungful of crack.


Tuesday, May 01, 2007



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Corporate Security personnel.


Great Breast Blog

Bread Blog, I Meant Bread Blog

Sometime foodie Pierre at Cantopop just posted a video of an incredibly easy breast bread recipe yesterday, and has pictures of it posted today. I've made that recipe too, most recently this morning, and I can tell you it is good bread (especially if you let the mush sit for 24 hours instead of the recommended twelve) and it looks great too. I would post a picture of it but the wife took the camera off to the mother-in-law's. So I'm just as well out of that. Hi honey!

If the blog loads a little slower the next few days, don't be alarmed. I'm expecting a little surge in traffic, for reasons that need not concern us here.

Now I Get It!

Do you folks get the feeling sometimes that a lot of blog entries are pretty similar? Like, "last fall I went on vacation and met this guy," "We went to Bermuda on vacation last fall and rented scooters," "I had a bad fall on my scooter and missed out on vacation." It makes me feel like such a loser, sitting at home and googling around for material to write about while the cool kids race laughing through an eternal vacation festooned with beautiful autumn leaves.

Well I just figured it out. Down at the bottom of Blogger's "New Post" window is a little line that says

Labels for this post:

e.g. scooters, vacation, fall

If you use Blogger, check it out the next time you post.
Why even google? There was a fertile field of discussion right under my nose the whole time.